(Note from Daven: I saw this in a email at one point, and it was funny enough to make me go looking for it on the Net. I hope you enjoy it, since it’s all true. ROFL)
WHY GOD WOULD NEVER RECEIVE TENURE
By Some Professor Somewhere
- He had only one major publication.
- It was in Hebrew.
- It had no references.
- It wasn’t published in a refereed journal.
- Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
- It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
- His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
- The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
- He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjetcs.
- When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
- When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
- He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
- Some say he had his son teach the class.
- He expelled his first two students for learning the wrong subject.
- Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
- His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
- He insisted on a pass/fail grading system, in conflict with official policy requiring A-F.