I just figured out what one of my major problems is.
I’m burned out of activism.
Back when Ancient Sites was still up, before they moved it and redefined the whole thing, I was a leader of the Druids online. I was the Professor of Magic and Ritual, one of the magickians for the group. The Ollamh Cainte.
AS closed and I rescued all the threads from a fourm called “Iona” and moved it to another whole site, intending to continue the family and association and I worked my ass off for about a year trying to get the new forum, called “Anglesey” back to where it was before. I still have all that discussion. But the forum closed permanently.
I’ve done this multiple times now, worked myself into nothingness almost, sacrificing everything in the name of “Service” to others, and I’m finally burned out. I have nothing left to give to anyone. I am a hollow shell.
Even when I’m allowed to rest, the “service” part of myself isn’t coming back. I see apathy everywhere, apathy that leads to not doing what you need to do to advance, not working for anything, much less your stated goals and I find myself infected with that, and I can’t care. I try to motivate and I try to excite, but it doesn’t seem to matter to others.
So I’ve resigned as Ollamh of the ODU. That’s the point of this. And yes, I have been apathetic as far as the studies in the ODU are concerned. I simply can’t find it in me to get motivated to do and be anymore. So to keep from causing more damage, I resigned.
Yes, you can celebrate now.
< sigh >
The point was that now I’m burned out of “service”. It seems that people don’t want to be served. Therefore I won’t keep trying. And I just realized why.
End of post.