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HomeDruid, Posts, Witch A letter to my Gods


A letter to my Gods

Erin

Reposted from my Deviant Art account (only there to allow me to look at other’s work) on Sat Oct 7, 2006, 6:33 PM

Herne,
Lord of the Hunt
Master of the Pack
I thank you.

You are everything a father could be
You are my example
You show me how to be a man
You teach me to take care of those in my charge
You have helped me at the lowest points of my life.

I am unworthy of Your notice.
I have done all I can
And I keep failing
I keep demanding like a
petulant child that things be my way
Not how they actually are.

I have said I would do anything
Well, obviously I won’t
I have not actually done anything
In fact, it’s hard for me to do anything
And because of that my family suffers.

Perhaps it is because I’m a cat
Instead of a pack animal.
I know how a pack moves,
the way it thinks
the way it feels.
But a cat is solitary
Alone
Wandering and doing what it wants
not what it needful for others.

A pack is many who work together
to bring a predetermined goal
to fruition.
A cat does what they want
when they want
without regard for others.

Perhaps I should leave
But that would kill those in my charge,
Some very literally.

Help me Father.
I try to be a good example.
I try to live how I should.
I do my best to be there emotionally and spiritually
for those in my family.
But I am too proud.
I fail.

Rhiannon,
Radiant Mother
Great Queen,
You were the first deity I spoke with
who answered me back.
You are a beautiful woman,
A true goddess in poise and perserverance.
And yes, I am unworthy.

Your priest, myself
is a corrupt venial person
who wants only what he wants
when he wants it.
Who distances himself from those he is sworn to serve.
Who deliberately keeps a barrier
of the Internet
between himself and the people
he should be teaching.

Why do you stay?
What is it about me that you find compelling?
Why do you continue to bless this unworthy one?
One of the mysteries of the universe.

They say that mortals can’t know
the minds of the Gods.
Apparently that is true.
Other gods would have abandoned me by now.
yet you are still here.

If I could understand I might be able to move on.
Right now I feel lost.

Eagle,
Cat,
Horse,
Deer,
Why me?
What is it about me that draws me to you,
and not only draws me in, but makes me wish to be you?
Why have I been “blessed” with this?
If I could shed my human form to be any of you, and aye, even Snake,
I would do so with few regrets.

I dream of hooves, of feathers, of fur. I feel my tail, my claws, my fangs. I know this is not me, I am more than I see.

Why did I get blessed with this?

There are days that I find that I cannot take being human, I fail as a man, a father, a person, a human being, and fail to achieve as an animal too.

While none of this has happened today, I still feel odd knowing that all that I have achieved will be transient, lasting only breaths past my ceasing and then it will evaporate into the Void.

Perhaps this is how it should be, but I don’t know. I find that there are times I wish to hasten that, and other times when I wish to fight it with all my being.

So I do nothing.

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One Response to “A letter to my Gods”

  1. mama kelly says:

    Lovely, Powerful, and Thought Provoking.

    Thank you for sharing something so personal.

    Blessings
    Mama Kelly

    PS I have just added your blog to the Two Witches Blog Roll

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